A dear friend is putting together a gift for her daughter’s sixteenth birthday and has asked a small group of her close friends to sit down and meet with her daughter on a variety of topics. A type of community mentoring approach to teaching a young woman about womanhood. Topics ranging from how to throw a dinner party and etiquette to conversation skills and beyond. I’ve been assigned the topic of loveliness. At the moment, we’re on a rustic vacation where we’ve been backpacking and camping in the deep woods. I’m itchy with poison ivy and covered with chigger bites and not feeling especially lovely. But the Lord gently reminds me that he sees me as lovely, no matter my external appearance. So I’m collecting my thoughts to share with this young woman about to turn sweet sixteen. I thought I’d share. What are your thoughts on loveliness? I welcome your input.
Loveliness is much more than an external look. More than a pretty face. Loveliness radiates from the inside out. It happens over time. It’s more of a refinement process than a beauty regiment. It comes from a source of strength – a reliance on the Lord. No one starts out lovely. One arrives at loveliness. You are able to react in a graceful manner when you, yourself are steeped in grace. Loveliness is more strength than fraility – although culture would tell us that that which is fragile is lovely, I believe the opposite to be true. It’s pushing through the pain to bring life into this world. Or letting life’s hardships soften you instead of harden you. Bearing the loss of a loved one or the death of a dream. Each of life’s disappointments has the power to harden you, embitter you. Just as the rushing waters of a river wash over hard stones with rough edges and makes them smooth. So too, life can smooth out your rough edges and make you softer and more beautiful if you allow it to wash over you.
Loveliness comes from thinking about that which is lovely. Choosing to see the good in others. The heart of the matter. Not jumping to conclusions or assuming the worst or that others are out to get you – but instead trusting people until they’ve given you good reason not to. It comes from seeing the world from another’s perspective. Seek first to understand, then be understood. Loveliness comes from compassion and empathy for other’s who might not have been given the same opportunities as you. It comes from serving those who are less fortunate and the perspective you gain from walking a mile in their shoes. It comes from not having to have all the answers but being able to say simply, but profoundly, “I don’t know…” and accepting the mysteries of God.
Loveliness pours out of a heart that is overflowing with gratitude. If you take time to notice the beauty that surrounds you each moment, each day, you will become a better reflection of that beauty, that loveliness. Recognizing the source of beauty in life being the Almighty Creator God and being thankful for the way he made and crafted all things – even you. That said, loveliness comes from a quiet confidence of accepting who you are and being thankful that you are who you are and that you are how you are. Of course, there are always ways we can improve – work harder, seek to attain goals, challenge ourselves to continue learning, growing, improving and observing life each day. Growing in discipline. But there are other things we must simply accept as they are. I’m not going to grow taller. Wrinkles will leave their marks. But we can choose – will they show where the smiles have been or the frowns. Do what you can to take care of the body you’ve been given, but treat it as the temple that it is – not an idol. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Even indulge occasionally. Recognize that your body is but a part of you – an extension of who you are. But that you are truly recognizable by your character. What will you choose to do with the position in life you earn or are granted? Will you use your authority to make a difference in someone else’s life? Will you stand up for the weaker soul? Extend kindness to the outcast? Go out of your way to reach out to the lonely?
Loveliness is more than setting a pretty table or decorating a beautiful room – though I appreciate these things greatly. Loveliness is more than appearances. Instead, it’s the atmosphere you create – the feeling others have when they are in your presence. Do they leave feeling encouraged, refreshed, edified? More than filling their bellies with gourmet food – are you filling their hearts with encouragement? Praising and affirming others for their strengths, telling them what you admire most about them, inspiring them to use their gifts and talents in new ways?Loveliness practices hospitality without grumbling – to the VIP as well as the difficult guest or even the sweaty workman. I always want all people who come into our home to feel welcomed and appreciated. From the workman to the lonely child. A gracious hostess practices hospitality and extends loveliness to all – even the least of these.
Loveliness understand that words have power and she uses words gently and cautiously. Biting your tongue and saying nothing at all at times exercises more wisdom than having a witty quip or rapid fire retort. It comes from making right reactions in the heat of the moment.It goes the extra mile without expectation of returned favor.
Fashions come and go and are truly superficial. Don’t get all caught up wasting time and precious money wearing the latest fads. That’s just it – they’re fads. Current for that moment and out of season the next. Instead, create, define, refine your own signature style. What suits you? Extends your personality? Looks best on you and accentuates your figure. Stay true to that style. Your style. Not what someone else or some magazine filled with paid advertisements defines as stylish. Now, grated, you must remain current – in part to be taken seriously by others – especially those for whom fashion is important. But be sure to question trends and ask yourself “Does this look good on me or am I just wearing it because it’s stylish?” Additionally, exercise caution to dress tastefully and never provocatively. Until you are married and understand more fully the male species exercise discretion when selecting what to wear and if you feel a little uncomfortable or if you’re questioning the appropriateness, change before you leave the house. You want to walk out of the house in full confidence that you feel and look your best.
I would encourage you to find someone in the public eye whom you admire and follow her fashion cues. Maybe it’s someone current, maybe a fashion icon of the past. When I was growing up, I admired Princess Diana and watched over the years how her style evolved as she grew into her own woman. I have come to understand that’s what fashion is – an outward expression of the woman we feel we’ve become on the inside. However, the dark side of my admiration was learning how much sadness was in her marriage and how insecure she actually was for many years. Another lesson about the importance of true confidence; that beauty must radiate from within and is truly a reflection of the love of the Lord radiating from the inside out. If we lack that faith at our core – we reflect it on our exterior.
I’ve heard it said that beauty fades and each woman must choose for herself what her signature mark of lasting beauty will be. I can think of your own mother, using her intelligence and her giving of herself to her family first and her enormous capacity to serve all her patients providing quality medical care to them with the love of Christ. Praying with her patients who face uncertain diagnoses or walking with them through medical uncertainty as they face life or death trials.
Or one of my mom’s closest friends who serves as a federal judge using her intellect and God-given discernment to provide justice and wisdom as she decides someone’s fate.My own attempt to carve out my signature mark is less admirable from a career standing but trying to practice hospitality to those I encounter and trying to practice thoughtfulness through giving gifts or bringing meals to those in need.
Something as simple as writing a prompt thank you note or writing a note when you’re praying for someone or showing up to show your support by attending a funeral calling or sitting with a friend who is facing an uncertain diagnosis.
Loveliness is approaching life with an attitude that everything I have is a gift from God – including gifts and talents like intellect as well as time and any material possessions. How can I use all that I’ve been given to glorify him. not looking to glorify myself or make myself beautiful or lovely but in self-sacrificing in the pouring out into others. That’s becomes thy signature mark of beauty, and ultimately the most lovely ambition one can have.
Simply put, loveliness is approaching life with love. For what is lovely without first having love?
